Tips for a Successful Halloween

Tips for a Successful Halloween- Eric Boshart

This article is directed to all the participants of Halloween, partiers and non-partiers alike. I want you to know that I truly wish you a successful Halloween, whatever ‘successful’ means to you. Finding your true love amidst a sweaty crowd of Ted Cruz’s and Miley Cyrus’? Eating more chocolate than Count Chocula? Actually seeing a ghost and sparking a nonchalant conversation with it? I’m not sure, but I know you’ll have a swell time. Unless you have coursework. In that case, stop reading. You’ll just get angry.

For the Partiers

Hey there, majority of St. Edward’s. Has this been marked on your calendar since November 1st, 2012? I understand; there’s nothing better than not being you for a day. All joking aside, this is the one night where dressing up as your favorite character and letting loose as that character is permitted. If you do it on any other date, know that it’s more than just frowned upon. The cops will let you know of that.

My first tip for Halloween partiers is to have fun, but not too much fun. Yes, there is such a thing. Have you ever been overly inebriated in a mascot costume? It’s called a heat stroke. Have you had one too many whiskey-cokes while dancing as George W. Bush? That’s called a viral YouTube video. And you don’t want that.

Remember that people can’t necessarily point you out at a party, and while that may be even more of a reason to have that extra vodka-tonic, know that your friends will have a tougher time understanding your true physical state. So be careful, and make sure to know which characters are taking you home.

The next tip is for the people going downtown. If a leprechaun offers you fairy dust, don’t accept. Now that we got that out of the way, hitting the clubs as Kim Kardash or Catwoman is the coolest. But remember what kind of people you are attracting. Ladies, this is the night to be cautious. Know that the Pope in the corner ISN’T trying to talk about Catholicism, and that Bill Clinton IS trying for a repeat. You ladies at St. Edward’s are formidably attractive, and that’s all the more reason to put your guard up.

For the Non-Partiers

All my people who don’t want to rage but still want to do Halloween, you are a minority. But don’t fret, for there are amazing things to do on this socially irrelevant night.

First, the kinds of films on TV are fantastic. As film is my passion, I must tell you that the entire horror genre is in the form of an archive right on basic cable. Cuddle up with your significant other or your friends or your dog or your blanket or yourself and learn the ways of the best horror films ever created. Next, you can trick-or-treat. If you think that’s lame, then I guess getting free candy (and possibly free flat-screen TVs if you go to Westlake) and roaming the streets with your friends is lame. You might think you’re too old, but let me tell you, no one is too old for candy corn. NO ONE. And if parents ask which one is your kid, tell them to mind their own business.

Lastly, you can visit haunted sites. If you don’t know already, Austin is drenched in them. The city has more scary happenings than your last family reunion, so you’re sure to freak yourself out at one of the many parks or schools at night.

And there you have it, ladies and gents. Be safe, have fun, and if you get a free TV, hit us up.

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