A Sincere Letter to Houston Texan Fans- Zach Busby
Dear Worst Fans in The NFL,
I think that most people in Texas don’t understand the complexities of the psyches of NFL Quarterbacks. You ask any Dallas Cowboys fan about Tony Romo, and they so quickly tell you that he is a choke artist and the worst quarterback in franchise history (with Quincy Carter on the table). In my mind, after Sunday’s game, and the 2nd best performance by any quarterback this season, Tony Romo did way more than enough to silence all his critics. And yet all Cowboys fans cried Ryan Leaf after an amazing late interception that sealed the game for Denver, 51-48.
Why do I bring up your in-state rivals in a letter that I swear is meant for you guys? It’s because you can learn something from your Uncle that didn’t make the switch to the Texans. That something is: Don’t scold then be surprised when they fold. In other words, don’t yell at your quarterback and say he is the worst in the NFL, and then be surprised when he tries to be just that. When you make a burger called the Pick-Six Burger, don’t be surprised if he throws a pick-six in 4 consecutive games. If you feed your dog Chinese food, don’t be surprised if he’s hungry five minutes later… because he pooped all over your living room.
Sure, Matt Schaub is not the greatest quarterback in NFL history, or even the most comical amongst the NFL scrubs (shout out to Blaine Gabbert). But he is the best quarterback you guys have now, and the best quarterback in your franchise’s history. No, you guys did not have Warren Moon!
As an NFL fan, it is your job to accept delusion into your lives, to look at your quarterback and say, “That guy can lead us to the Super Bowl,” like the Ravens did with Dilfer and Flacco. The only people that believed Flacco when he said he was the best QB in the NFL were Ravens fans. And then, with that faith, he went on to have one of the greatest postseasons in recent memory. Flacco threw five interceptions against the Bills, but no Ravens fans jumped ship because they believe, and in return, Flacco beat the Dolphins the following week.
All in all, Schaub probably will never lead the Texans to the Super Bowl. Mostly because he wears the number 8, which Steve Young cursed after selling his soul to throw 6 touchdowns in the ’94 Super Bowl (This goes for Sam Bradford too). Confidence is a big part of this game, and you guys have ruined what little this bald man could salvage. You can build him back up and make him forget he was ever a back-up. All it takes is unmerited delusion and faith, which Texans already openly welcome in the form of Rick Perry. I challenge you, the youngest brother of all fan bases in the NFL, to admit you’re crazy and live like it too. There should be banners of Schaub for president in every street in Houston, because until then, and only then, you will continue to be, at best, a second-tier franchise.
Sincerely Your Mortal Enemy,
Zach, The Sports Guy