The Nihilistic Bank Robber- Eric Boshart
Setting: A local small-town bank.
(A man with a ski mask bursts in the bank and points his gun at a teller.)
Robber: Everyone on the ground! You, take out all the cash now!
(The robber sighs.)
Robber: …or whatever, I don’t care.
Robber: I don’t care, just take out the money if you want.
Teller: I don’t know what you want me to do!
Robber: I don’t either. Listen, you can give the money, or not.
Teller: Will you hurt me if I don’t?
Robber: I don’t know, I might.
Teller: What do you mean?
Robber: I mean my finger might pull the trigger, it might not. Why does it matter?
Teller: You have control over your finger.
Robber: Not really. Are you gonna give me the money? There was no point in coming here…
Teller: Uhhh, no I don’t think I will…
Robber: All right.
(The robber looks away and lowers his gun.)
Teller: …Do you want to start up a checking account? We’ve got a great deal going on this month. 300 dollars in your account if your credit clears.
Robber: Yeah, ok, I guess.
Teller: Miranda? You can get up now. Help this man out here, he wants to start a checking account.