The Nihilistic Bank Robber

The Nihilistic Bank Robber- Eric Boshart

nihilistic burglar

Setting: A local small-town bank.

(A man with a ski mask bursts in the bank and points his gun at a teller.)

Robber: Everyone on the ground! You, take out all the cash now!

(The robber sighs.)

Robber: …or whatever, I don’t care.

Teller: What?

Robber: I don’t care, just take out the money if you want.

Teller: I don’t know what you want me to do!

Robber: I don’t either. Listen, you can give the money, or not.

Teller: Will you hurt me if I don’t?

Robber: I don’t know, I might.

Teller: What do you mean?

Robber: I mean my finger might pull the trigger, it might not. Why does it matter?

Teller: You have control over your finger.

Robber: Not really. Are you gonna give me the money? There was no point in coming here…

Teller: Uhhh, no I don’t think I will…

Robber: All right.

(The robber looks away and lowers his gun.)

Teller: …Do you want to start up a checking account? We’ve got a great deal going on this month. 300 dollars in your account if your credit clears.

Robber: Yeah, ok, I guess.

Teller: Miranda? You can get up now. Help this man out here, he wants to start a checking account.

burglar

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