Saving the Tigers

Saving the Tigers- Eric Boshart

Fool’s Gold tries it’s hardest to be socially relevant (literally, we sit around and talk about what can make us sound important), and what’s more relevant than saving endangered animals? Our attempt at being germane landed us in the remote jungles of the Democratic Republic of Congo where an endangered species of tiger tries to survive.

For whatever reason, we didn’t tell anybody we were going to Congo, so we had to fend for ourselves in a dense and humid jungle. It was actually quite awful. Our intern actually got swallowed up by a large Venus flytrap. It took us 38 hours to get him out.

Just as we were at the brink of collapsing, with no food, water, or tigers in sight, we encountered a small oasis high up in the trees. We climbed up the tree to find a lavish yurt. We cautiously walked inside and found Leonardo DiCaprio sipping some type of green herbal drink. Also, he was lying on the biggest tiger we had ever seen.


We decided to interview him to see what he knew about the endangered animals.

FG: Leo, we have so many questions. What was it like portraying such a strong and charismatic character in Wolf on Wallstreet?

LD: Really? I’m lying on a tiger and that’s your question?

FG: Right. How are you lying on a tiger?

LD: I trained him.

FG: Glad we got that out of the way…what are you doing up here?

LD: I am working with the Word Wildlife Fund to track and monitor these tigers here in the DRC and decided I’d train this guy while I was here. His name is Timon. Like in The Lion King.

FG: Timon wasn’t a tiger…

LD: I’m sorry?

FG: Moving on…how many tigers would you say are in this jungle alone?

LD: Well, I’ve seen four in my six months here. Zazu, Rafiki, Timon, and me.

FG: None of those characters of The Lion King are-wait, do you consider yourself a tiger?

LD: Why shouldn’t I? I practically live like one. It is my spirit animal, after all.

FG: Tigers don’t live in yurts.

LD: Timon does.

At this point, our intern fainted from exhaustion. Leo quickly got up and smeared a broken passion fruit across his forehead.

After that didn’t work, the rest of the crew spotted a WWF water bottle and gave it to him. Because of the commotion, Timon got very anxious and began growling at the intern. We decided to wrap it up.

LD: Come back and see me anytime!

FG: We assure you we won’t.

Our attempt at remaining relevant failed miserably, and we really don’t know where this pursuit will take us next.


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