Day 8

Day 8- Calculus I- Nick Fuentes

“No we do not have a math course for students pursuing a degree in Theater. You must take Calculus I, Mr. Lefterson.” That’s what they told me after missing Calculus for the 3rd day in a row.

David Lefterson is my name and this is my ongoing account of my time here in Hell on the Hilltop, Helltop for short. At this point in my stay, I’ve gathered this much about what is going on here:

First, though this school is as red as it gets, I am still able to receive an education in Theater. So at least a born prodigy of the stage, such as myself, will not go to waste in a school that doesn’t even have a stage to display such talents. St. Edward’s does have a stage actually, but it is in a pentagon shaped building, in honor of the Pentagon, and only has two rows for an audience. Which, in my opinion, is not enough seating for my talent. So basically, this place has no stage.

Second thing I know about the Helltop, the sporting facilities are beyond impressive. I don’t watch sports, but even I think those stadiums are the coolest aspects about this campus. I cannot believe I just wrote those words. Actually, thanks to the sellout crowds at the football games on Saturdays, I’m able to get away from everyone to write for a bit. Thank you St. Edward’s Wartoppers. The football team has a pretty big following at this school, and from what people often drunkenly shout out, they’re the best in Texas. Though I really don’t know, in fact I really don’t know anything about football at all. Also, the mascot here is a Wartopper. I don’t know what a Wartopper is exactly, but it looks like a ram… or a goat…. more ram than goat. It’s a ram for sure, and it’s called a Wartopper for some reason. I missed the B.S. story they told us of how they came up with the name Wartopper.

Third thing I’ve gathered thus far is kind of embarrassing. This school attracts a lot of very corporate America individuals and sports fanatics.  Which explains the team fan base on campus. Also this school lures in very naïve Liberal Arts students, like myself. After talking with a number of the students in my Theater courses, I realized the same thing that happened to these students as well. St. Edward’s lures a portion of the world’s artists and actors to this school to indoctrinate them into a more conservative mindset. By portion, I mean very small, in fact, that is the embarrassing part about this whole thing. My fellow thespians here at St. Ed’s are the most easily deceived of the globe. But still the number of people tricked into enrolling at St. Edward’s is incredibly small. You have to be really dumb apparently, which is embarrassing.

Which brings me to the Calculus statement I began this entry with. Even though I can continue to participate in this terribly under funded Theater program at St. Edward’s, I still have to take Calculus I. I’M AN ACTOR! Any math I have to do in the future will be done by my agent. St. Edward’s doesn’t care about that though, they want to make sure everyone here can do math really well. Honestly, I noticed my schedule had Calculus on Tuesdays and Thursdays at 8:00 a.m., but I figured it was a mistake. I know I didn’t register myself for such a nightmare of a course at the worst hour of the day. So after three days of not showing up, they sent the law after me. The University Police are pretty legit and really strict on skippers. Whether the accused skipper knew he/she was skipping or not.

Last thing, I have a test in Calculus this Tuesday, so I’ll be pretty busy for the next couple of days.

I’m fairly certain I know less about math than I do about football.


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