Biker Boys

Biker Boys- Eric Boshart

John was really late for class. He stayed up all night studying for International Trade & Finance and forgot to set his alarm. If he didn’t make it to class in four minutes, Professor Wang would give him a zero for blatant disrespect.

John sped through I-35 to get to the Hogwarts-looking campus. More than anything, he was worried about parking, because parking at St. Edward’s is like trying to find free tickets to the Olympics.

He had to cross the Woodward-South Congress intersection, and he knew what that meant: the Biker Boys were going to be there. If you speed in their intersection, they surrounded you and forced you to pay a tax. It’s an awful experience. Even the bus drivers who stop near the intersection have to pay a fee to continue.

You may think I’m talking about mean, rough-riding motor cyclists, but nay. I am talking about a different breed of bikers, a breed that is meaner, healthier, and more scarily, eco-friendlier. The Biker Boys have ran the intersection for ten months now. John makes sure to never go above 10 mph when near there, and for good reason. An FBI agent has estimated that they make $200,000 a month. Half of it goes to the Austin Police to look the other way.


By Katie Mathias

The leader of the pack? John knows him all too well. He is St. Edward’s alumni, and he used to be John’s Hilltop Mentor. Frank ‘Veggie’ Allen is the most stoic boss there is, the Capone of cyclists. They call him Veggie because he hasn’t even seen a piece of meat in 28 years. Literally, he has forgotten what meat looks like. He’s also the only Biker Boy to have one of those Swedish invisible helmets.

John had to weigh the costs and benefits. Speed: you may have a chance at getting past them, even though they cycle at nearly 70 mph. Slow down: risk missing your test.

John knew what to do. He sped through, rolled down the window, and through the $100 tax at Veggie. John was caught on a stoplight camera balling his eyes out as he did so. But he made it, and he ended up making a zero on his test because he got literally everything wrong.


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